Jan. 31, 2008
Yes, I am pissed. Really pissed. Not just that I feel like it's going to be the time of the month but also I am extra pissed off with my dad as I am frustrated with myself and gets easily pissed at everything. Arrrrgh!!!
Our room now looks like New Year's Eve with all the smoke from fireworks, but this time it's from my dad's friends' cigarettes! I just freakin' cleaned the house, from the kitchen floors, to the living/dining room floors, to the bedroom and the bathroom!!! Gawd I fuckin' cleaned the bathroom! I scrubbed the floors, the tiles, the tub, the sink, and the toilet! and after all that the freaking washing machine flooded my clean sparkling tiles! Gawd!!!
And since my dad is having their weekly drinking sessions here at our flat it will all be messed up. And the food!!! the food!!! Damn it! The food! My uncle and I spent Dhs300 on meat and seafood and now the fridge is once again, almost empty! That's just yesterday! They're all here eating crispy ulo with a special sauce and the shrimp and the mango fish!!! I am pissed because I wasn't able to eat as much as I want to during dinner.
Why?
Because my dad kept looking at me as if saying, "Ang anak ko parang baboy." Every once in a sentence he'd add something, "Naneng o!" while pinching my arms or my stomach. Or he'd comment on my legs, "Naneng mas malaki pa legs mo sakin." Gawd!!! And he didn't stop there tonight! He said, "Naneng, pinaguusapan ka nila tito Jet mo kanina sabi 'yan si Kamille, magaling yan eh, kaso tumataba na talaga eh. May double chin na." and he just wouldn't stop looking at me as if I am the ugliest fattest most disgusting creature he has ever seen eat. So much for being a daddy's girl, eh? With that, I stopped eating, left the table and never went back.
I know I'm going to regret that, if I wake up tomorrow morning looking for those dishes and all I'm ever gonna see our clean plates and pots.
Thinking about all the food just pisses me off adding to their noise, their boisterous laughter over some gibberish someone said.
And when I told my dad about us going to the fun fair and other events of the festival like Bungee jumping he just gave me that "oo" that means no. Added more, gawd!!!!!!!!!!!
And I just couldn't figure out how to solve my brother's 4x4 Rubiks cube. And I just feel overly stupid.
Thanks a lot for boosting my self esteem. Am I not only fat, but I am only stupid. Good thing I have no interest in anybody here, and I have nobody to impress.
**revenge is sweet, I feel like I'm going to have an asthma attack. And my father wouldn't know what to do. And I am going to blame it all on him. :D