I find myself with nothing to write about. I was reading a some blog entries from random people's blog page and they have something to write about, opinions to speak out, experiences that are worthy enough to share. And I kinda felt small because of the lame things I have been blabbing about. All I ever write about is my homesickness, my opinions about myself, my rants and all other "my" stuff.
A friend once suggested, when he found out I'm staying here in Dubai for a long time, to write. This is an opportunity for me to write about things I wanted to write about but never having the time to do so.
And now that I have all the time in the world to write, I just can't seem to remember the things I wanted to write about. I'm trying to make the door between my consciousness and the unconscious part of my mind ajar with the hope of having an insight about the things I'd like to write about. But I can't still find them.
I can't be that kind of writer who keeps her/himself locked up in a tower, in seclusion to write about things. I need to be submerged in the life I want to write about, first-hand experience as much as possible, or at least see it with my own eyes perceive it with my own senses.
I want to write about poverty, and find beauty in it, give hope to uplift it, and make those who dwell in it happy. I want to write about the simple life, how having nothing to just enough could be the happiest place you could ever wish for. I want to write about life. And where I am right now is not the best place for me to see all those things.
Why? Well, there aren't any poor people here. You wouldn't see beggars on the streets, there are no homeless people, those people they call poor here are those who gets paid low wages, who live at flats where rent is cheap. But it's nothing like the poverty in the Philippines nor the United States(where there still are homeless people--that's what I see on TV) where there are beggars and homeless and unemployed and kids dying from starvation and robberies and other crimes that spells out "desperately need money." At least that's what I see.
See??? I can't write with the conviction I need to make my compositions believable, at least for me! I can't because I am not sure if this is the reality of it. I haven't really seen the whole of it, I watch minimal news here only the ones in English which is mainly about the economy and business status here in Dubai there are no headlines of people getting killed or getting robbed except for this article in the news paper where the title said "Suspect does not know why he stabbed compatriot" that's about it. The only killings you'd hear and/or see in the news are those at Palestinian boundaries (e.g. Egypt, Israel.)
Okay, now I am lost. I don't know why the fuck I'm complaining about the life here it's what almost everybody would be wishing for in a country. The sheikhs are spending millions of Dirhams to build fancy villas for the citizens(nationals) of UAE to live in, you do not have to worry about getting mugged at dark alleys, you can have a week's worth of food for Dhs100 (that includes meat, fish, chicken, vegetables), and you can have your grocery delivered.
But then again, I'm not like almost everybody, I've always wanted to live at the edge of having just enough money to pay my bills, free-lancing on theatre work and other art stuff, being content with a job that's not really time demanding... I want to be a fisherman and a farmer and live outside the city and teach kids for food. That would be a very ideal life for me. And not having lots of money would piss off my parents. Fun!:D And being here, with all the development and shit is killing that picture for me. I have no food to feed that vision. :( There's no simple life here, "comfort" which most companies are selling means "luxury", "glamour", etc. It's shit. It's all about sky-high buildings and almost everything that capitalist would ever dream of. It's like all those hip-hop music videos(blings, cars, money, minus the women i think) come to life. It's disgusting!
And the last thing, how can I write about life, when I have no life here. I never get to go out, I have no friends, and I have no one to talk to.