Monday, October 08, 2007 @5:05 AM
i can tell if something's bothering me even if i don't know what it is with my sleeping habits.
sometimes, i don't sleep, well because i have a lot to do and i'm cramming.
and when i sleep long hours, it means that i'm cathing up.
but sometimes, i don't like to sleep because i am scared of not waking up. yes, there are times that i try to keep my eyes wide open because i know that i might not wake up. it's stupid, but that's how i do it.
and sometimes, i sleep because i'm scared of being awake. i am scared of the world out there, so i hide by sleeping. i sleep fearing of what will happen when i wake up. i sleep because i don't want to know what's going to happen when i wake up. i sleep because i don't want to see what's going on in my world.
but i know i am more fucked up if i don't know what to do. to sleep or not to sleep. but then i end being awake for a long time deciding if i want to sleep or not and when i finally get to sleep, it'll be a long wait for me to wake up.
i'm fucked up if i don't know if i want to sleep or not because i am scared of what will happen if i sleep, and i am also scared of what i might do if i am awake. and i am stuck in a limbo of being half-awake, half-asleep, take your pick. because if i ever get to do one thing, i'll be half of everything. :(