Saturday, October 27, 2007 @7:25 AM
yes, i am. when i don't actually lie-LIE, but still i get tired.
lying is very tiring. i omit things. but still, omission is lying. omission is betrayal. But then I guess, it's okay? I mean, we omit things so we wouldn't technically lie and still protect the people we care about.
Like not telling someone that somebody came home at 2 in the morning. (Well, not telling this would actually do me good in the future:D)
but then, as Elliot said(Scrubs), "Sometimes, protecting someone's feelings isn't the best way to go."
So I guess it would all come down to what would happen after. The omission, that is. Because lying is totally different. When somebody asks for the truth, we should give it.
Because once we lie, that person would find his/her way around to get to the truth, and we will just find ourselves in a web of lies waiting for the deadly spider to eat us alive.
I don't know what is up. My decisions are all whacked lately. And so were my actions. I really don't know what is fucking up, and it's not the fucking ceiling.
hostility is not my best side. Because I cannot be hostile; I don't want to be hostile. I am scared to hurt other people, intentionally. But then I heard this sunscreen thing from Mon's multiply and it said, "Do one thing you're scared of everyday." Or something of that level. So, if you find me hostile, it's that day.
I am not sure why I am still here. I am not sure why. Either way, I DON'T WANT TO. I REALLY DON'T.
I am trying to be careful. It's not that I am drunk and start babbling again, because even though I think I am half asleep I am still able to think.
this is non-sense. I think.
This is what I want:
I don't want to see you, and you and you together. Wait, that's not what I want, it's what I don't want.:|
Okay, for real...
PUTANG INA. I don't know what I want, all I can think of is
I don't want in.
I don't want to go out.
I don't want it anymore.
I don't want to feel bad because I am not suppose to feel bad, thinking that I was totally honest.
and I am not even sure if I don't really want them.
oh, there is one thing that I want:
I WANT TO LEAVE. Go somewhere far. ALONE. or with people I don't really get to be with much lately that I can talk to about anything and who wouldn't judge me, and would be okay to see me at my worst. And that I can have fun with no matter what we do.
yun. YUN ANG GUSTO KO. YUN LANG ang gusto ko at sigurado ako na gusto ko nga yun.
**totally random thought: I feel bad lately, and I snap easily, and smiles are temporary and I don't smile stupidly anymore. And what makes everything sadder is that thinking of him doesn't cheer me up anymore.:(
"I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind..."
-Boston, Augustana