and i definitely do what i want. at ngayon, gusto ko lang magblog ng magblog ng magblog. at magisip ng kung anu-ano sakaling may maisip ako isulat para sa reflection paper ko sa sci10.
i don't want to care. i will stop caring. pero siyempre, hindi ko kaya. i am not that mean to to not care. i cannot not care.
sana mean na lang ako para wala akong nararamdaman ngayon. at sana hindi mahirap. kasi mean people don't really care about what they do. mean people are worse than people who have psychological disorders. or maybe they have psych disorder. but whatever. mean people do things and not care about the outcome. they don't care if they hurt other people or that they destroy something. they just don't care! putang ina. i don't want to care.
not caring about anything, is easier. it's easier to deal with the world. you don't have to be responsible of anything and guilt and shame wouldn't eat you alive.
mas okay yung manhid ka. you don't get to feel anything. syempre hindi mo masasabi na mas makulay ang mundo kapag masaya ka o kaya naman okay na malungkot o masarap magalit. hindi mo malalaman yun, manhid ka nga eh. you don't feel anything.
lying is a skill. it takes a really good actor to lie straight to someone's face. i guess i am not a good actor. what a shame, i'm in theater pa naman. i can't lie for shit. well, i guess, acting is different from lying. no, you don't have to be a good liar to be a good actor. because when you act in theater it has to look truthful, that's why you have to be in character. maybe, a good liar has DID. he shifts into different characters when you confront him that's why it's truthful.
sana ganun nga yung dahilan kung bakit nagsisinungaling ang mga tao diba? kasi may DID sila. mas madaling intindhin yung ganun. pero hindi eh, DID is a very rare disorder. kaya mahirap intindihin. lalo na kapag you don't deserve to be lied to. mapapatanong ka talaga ng "BAKIIIIIT??" i don't lie. i omit things, but i don't lie. for as long as you are not asking the right and specific question, i can still hide something. pero kapag tinanong na ko ng "right specific question" wala na. i can't lie for shit. i just can't. pero bakit?
i'm a nice person. yes, I AM A NICE PERSON. just because i like having fun in a not so conservative way does not make me a bad person. yun kasi perception ng ibang tao eh, people who drink and smoke and do the things that i do, are uneducated, irresponsible, inconsiderate kids who don't have souls. or at least that's how i read the disapproving looks they give. hindi porket i go around doing things that i want, i am not a good person anymore. I HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS. i do:) pero well, who would believe, right?
okaaay. hate and anger makes you don't want to care. it makes you to really not care. at wala na talaga akong pakialam. putangina talaga. i can continue not caring, i have a lot of things to fuel this anger to keep me not caring.
hindi ako nanghihinayang sa mawawala. kasi wala namang mawawala eh. marami pa naman akong kaibigan na mas "kaibigan" pa kesa sa'yo. na mas tao pa kesa sa'yo. you're not irreplaceable.
watch and learn;)