Saturday, October 13, 2007 @1:07 AM
this is what i do when i can't do anything about something anymore: i write.
i write and i write 'til i make sense of everything or until nothing is making sense anymore. whichever comes first.
i have nothing else to do with the raging bull inside me. ...napagod na lang sa kahihintay ng red cloth.
well, i guess i am tired. i am tired of getting mad. i am tired of fuming everytime i hear something someone did that is just so insensitive and inhuman.
yes, inhuman. though the world has failed in showing me how beautiful and wonderful humans are, i still believe that even though humans do a lot of stupid things they are not evil and they are not capable of deliberately hurting someone. until i got a little older. until i got to see more of the world.
please, please, please! don't take my innocence. please, i don't want my picture of humans to be tainted and completely destroyed.
i don't want to hate anymore. i don't want not to care, either.
random thought:
why is it that loving too much is frowned upon by society? and being a "martyr" is not encouraged at all? why is it implied to not care about other people who doesn't care about you? must it all be a reciprocated kind of thing?
society is contradicting itself.
despite these, we are thought to be compassionate, we are thought that we should not ask anything in return when we give, and we are thought to love and give our heart when loving.
i guess, those who end up being saints are those who break free from society. they are given that title by society to make up for the persecution that killed them.
okay, naalala ko lang ang mga nangyari, at i don't want to care because i don't want to get hurt. i don't want to be vulnerable and helpless. but i fear i might go numb, and cold, and more fucked up than i already am. I want to get mad, but that would just make me feel bad.
i have never experienced being totally mad at someone that i know.
this is hopeless