Friday, October 19, 2007 @9:58 AM
this is what Cristina said to be able to escape.
Disclaimer:
I know when i write/say this it doesn't mean that I would still feel or mean it when I wake up. And i had to make sure that this is fleeting, and this is temporary and transcient.
I so something today. It made me see you more different, and I knew that I still know you. I guess I hope I do. I want to know that person again, that person I knew before, that person I saw in the pictures. No. I don't want it. I'm just saying that I know you and I am happy that I really knew you, at least before. Before now. At least, I knew I had something. I want to understand. I want to understand why you have acted like that, why you are acting like this. And then, I can fully let go.
Let go of this little feeling of jealousy. I don't know where it came from. I wanted to feel what she felt, to see what she saw, to be what she was to you. Maybe because I am selfish and wants to be this special little girl for everybody. I want to see what other people cannot see. and I am sorry that because of my selfishness, my desire to be able to see what others cannot see, I said harsh words. I said things that I might not mean or would not really intend to say. I was mad, not anymore, and I forgive you.
okay, maybe i would still mean everyword i wrote. but i might also lack a sense of judgement because it's almost 5 am, and I am hungry. but i'm going to sleep all these over.
"I'm healed! I'm healed!" might be her way to make herself believe that she's okay, and that she's healed. Repeating it makes it sounds more real, makes it convincing. And in time, it will be real.