Tuesday, February 06, 2007 @8:23 PM
february 4, 2007
sometime with the sun up
i have been awake since 630 to watch Grey's Anatomy. Grey's Anatomy which makes me cry. and hurt. and remember the pain. self inflicted pain. maybe i am a sadist. or a masochist. maybe i like running after things that would bring me pain, things that would hurt me, things that make me cry until i couldn't breathe anymore. maybe i like the drama that goes with my heartbreaks. and then after all the running and havoc making and tripping and stumbling and trying to get up and then falling again, i get tired. no not tired, exhausted. exhausted to the point that i don't want to live. to the point that i don't want to face the world anymore. to lock myself in a room with my books and dvds and never ever go out. and maybe i do have depressive disorder, but i am sane enough to diagnosis it myself.
i have major issues, major mental issues and i am trying to fix them myself. everytime.
i am tired. i am so fucking tired. i am tired of running to my friends and just get them irritated because of archaic problems the occur atleast once a month. and it's stupidly pathetic to look comfort from my parents and way mental from my brother. i am the only one with this kind of miserably pathetic life, and nobody can relate to me. and people finding out what i'm going through would be a mockery. i, who pretends to be fun, high, smart, able and completely okay is breaking down because of some petty little thing.
i don't want to leave the sanctity of my parent's room. only without them. just me alone.
Labels: asylum