Friday, February 03, 2006 @1:31 PM
I know i'm suppose to be in school but I wasn't feeling really well. I woke up this morning and my world was turning. hangover? nah. i don't know. i just had a bottle of light last night and i shared it with mangyan. so i don't think it would hit that hard. i mean, it was just light. but then i drank milk and mangs said don't but i still did cause he did and i was really whatever last night and lorie even commented, "para kang lasing." i just shrugged it off and replied, "palagi naman eh."
i don't know. lorie and i along with mangyan went to some photocopy place near my house and it's a mini-grocery thing. i so wanted a fag but they both decided against it. so i just said, "wanna drink?" and bought a bottle of light and just gave mangs the last tagay so that he could wish. see? i am so generous! i needed that wish to fix my 'i don't know' life, but i didn't. i guess i am not yet ready to fix my life. honestly i don't know what i should fix. i think i am perfectly fine even if i feel like shit cause when people ask me why, i don't fuckin know the answer.
the other day (wednesday) i so wanted to drink, have a fag, and just get wasted. but i just ended up playing dota. oh well, with kai, phims, inay and airon against you and have only one ally, freakin hard! i mean, we were eating lunch at jollibee and even before i left kai's place i already invited val to come with me, i went out to try to buy some but to my luck the vendor is so far and it's so hot and i wasn't in the mood for long walks along that road so i just went inside and they searched me as if i'm a drug dealer or something!(and they're the cops who got 411) ugh! so degrading. not really but i felt like some kind of criminal. i went home early that day(alone), and yesterday they were all like "did you go straight home?" with this knowing look on their faces. as if! would i? in my uniform?? i must be nuts! well, i guess they think i am.
so, i don't think it's a hangover i'm just tired i guess. i played ball yesterday. it was quite sad. i was so unuseful! goodness. the quarters i played, we didn't even score. well, we did because of tix's freethrows. i felt really bad. and the fact that jude is so fast, i got really tired. haaay. i thought he was going online last night but he didn't so i didn't have the chance to talk to him. i miss him. fuck. and i am so pessimistic that i feel like he doesn't even care but i think he does. but whatever. i don't want to assume. i might see it all wrong and get myself hurt in the end.
i cried my eyes out today. i was crying the whole time i was watching "in her shoes" i totally felt for maggie(cameron diaz' character) i mean everybody think she's stupid, she doesn't have a job, she's not useful, she's wasting her life, nobody likes her(well, men like her because she flirts with them, and the fact that she's hot), she's not at home(though she tries to be), and the way she runs away from things. and the fact that she pushes away people who wants to help her with her problem but because she feels like her problems doesn't really matter and she's getting by and she's having fun. so she drinks and smokes and tries to have fun. and she runs away and goes to her grandmother and that's where she felt loved(really loved), and when somebody believed in her and told her that she was smart, she finally appreciated herself and focused on what she's good at(shopping) and actually had a job. the movie is about relationships, and about loving one's self. i got pretty emotional and just cried the whole time. i don't usually cry a lot in movies lately but somehow, i just went on crying. maybe becuase lately that's what i wanted to do but just never got around doing it cause i don't think there's a need for it and that my reason is not enough, or there really is a reason. fuck. i really don't know what's it i'm being sad about. it's really hard. i can't say "life is good" happily! another movie i watched is "just like heaven" and it's a really sweet movie. too bad it ended happily. weird but i don't like happy endings. it's too unrealistic.
shut up. and don't comment. i am moody person. for those people who tolerate me. thank you. i am trying to control my emotions but right now. i have this 'fuck off' on my forehead.
"if you have nothing good to say, shut up."